Very mixed up emotions

4/30/01 was the worst day of my life, thus this is the 6 year anniversary of it.

My sister died on this day.

And yeah. My friends know the story, and one friend in particular... fuck, he keeps drawing me IN. At one point in time, I thought I had fallen in love with him... I had feelings for him that were very deep and went beyond a crush, and these didn't appear over night. They grew over months and months. And it's like... god, how can I NOT love him? I don't have the same feelings for him anymore as I did months ago, but I do love him on some level. I talk to him about anything and he doesn't judge, and he cares so deeply about those HE loves... he is not a perfect person, and yet the things people would see as imperfect seem to add to him to make him appear more as a whole person.

He's probably the closest friend I've had, and this friendship we have is so... something.

We started talking about this date because he understands it's going to be a tough day, and it's like... gah, here's the conversation.


Pip [Azriel] says:
It's already the last day of April...
Pip [Azriel] says:
heh...
Pip [Azriel] says:
I'm not sure either to say sorry in a sympathetic way or just give you a hug ^^;

Clyde [And at the end of Time you shall fade away into a cloud of dust] says:
I"m not too sure either, actually.
Pip [Azriel] says:
o.O; Of the things not to make sense, that's one of them. *hugs* ^^; It's been 42 minutes into your personal memorial day, if I may call it such.

Clyde [And at the end of Time you shall fade away into a cloud of dust] says:
I'm probably not going to make a lot of sense. XD It feels like I have none at all! -flail-
Eh. This day can be called a lot of things. We just took to calling it "the anniversary"
Pip [Azriel] says:
Ah... well... I want you to have a good anniversary, k? Don't be too somber about it. I highly doubt your sister would like you to be sad, even on a day such as this.
Clyde [And at the end of Time you shall fade away into a cloud of dust] says:
This day has always been somber though, it's just something that can't really be helped
Pip [Azriel] says:
I understand that, but if I call and hear crying... or the sound of a completely depressed person, I'm liable to come up there. And from there on, I'm not sure what I'd do.

That last line just kinda struck me, and made me want to cry all over again. What does he mean?

Men are confusing, and I'm sure you men out there say the same thing about women.