The times they are achangin'

Well well well.

Lately it's all been so.... new. And yet not.

Okay, so for a while now, this guy and I had been.. well. XD Flirting. Or, at least I'm sure he was, although at one point on the phone he said that sometimes people think that he's flirting when he's not. Anyway, that doesn't matter now cause we are a coupleeee~

Lawdy, it's been like... a year since I've been in a relationship. I was *afraid* at first cause I've seen how relationships can change people, and I was suddenly terrified of changing, but so far it's okay. I mean, we've only been together for a few days (we kissed for the first time on Saturday), but I do really like him. :3 I just don't know if this relationship is going to change me, or him, or whatever, and if it does, then how? What are we going to do if it gets serious? See, that's another thing I'm kind of scared of... I haven't gotten too far in relationships. Gragh, I've never even had my tongue in someone else's mouth, or vice-versa, and I had that nagging thought of "What would happen if whoever I was dating put their hand on my leg?" but since I'm at a point where I think I'm over that, it should be okay, yet... okay, it's like... what if my partner and I would be making out and he does with his hand and my leg an action in the same manner in which I was sexually harassed? I can stand someone tapping my knee or something, but actually physically putting one's hand on my leg and moving it upwards to my crotch... fuuuckszfslfkjlsdds. I think that might freak me the fuck out.
Although he knows that happened to me. ~.~ I trust he wouldn't violate that boundary unless I really did feel comfortable with that idea.

And that harassment thing has gotten me thinking a lot as well... because of that, I've begun to rethink on how far I've gone with a guy. Touching someone like that is like.. what base is that? Normally couples do that kind of thing when they've been together for a while, but with that guy.. I wasn't even WITH him. It shouldn't count as anything, but it still makes me wonder. It's like... someone gets raped, and it is definately called rape, but when it is stripped down, it is sex. It's just sex being used as a tool to control someone else in a very mentally crippling manner.
Is harassment the same way? If that's the case, then I can say to my boyfriend that I *have* gone far with a guy, but I just didn't consent to it.

God dammit, that fucker is still confusing me, even though it's going to be two years since it happened. -.- At least I'm like... over it.

Or something like that. Whatever.

At least my boyfriend has some good morals. From what we've talked about, he has gone farther than I have (if we throw the harassment aside), but not all the way (he wants to wait until he loves whoever he's with to have sex with them). He doesn't smoke or drink or anything, and thinks that those are turn offs, and we have a lot in common. We get along pretty well and have some fun conversations, so it's really quaint now. :B