Jesus.

This relationship is leaving me feeling melty.

This guy I'm with... seriously, this is the guy that I've had in mind for ages. He's nice, funny, opinionated, polite, and we have a lot in common. Yet, not so much were we wouldn't have anything to talk about. We have slightly different beliefs on religion and spirituality, which is fantastic. I love talks about spirituality.

And on a weirder note, I was hoping to find a guy that was more experienced in relationships than I was, yet not so much that he would be pushing for sex on the first date. I mean.. just someone that can sort of show me the ropes. The most I had done was just kissing.

Um. I made out for the first time on the 25th, during Pirates of the Carribean: At Worlds End. Holy shit. I'm still a little shocked from it, and yet it makes me feel fuzzy at the same time. I had to check to make sure I didn't have bite marks on my neck. >.> He didn't bite *that* hard, but Christ, I was paranoid about my parents finding out.

So now I've gone this far, and knowing what is past making out makes me nervous. We agreed on not moving too quickly, but the thing is... I haven't had someone put their hands actually on my leg, above the knee, since I was sexually harassed. Sure, I've had my legs jabbed by fingers or my knees tickled, but the harassment was the first and only time that I had someone put their entire hand on my leg and move it upwards towards my crotch.

At the movies, he moved his index finger up my leg and back down, and I froze. It was just a little thing, like rubbing your thumb against their hand or playing with their hair, and yet when he went to hold my hand after that, I couldn't move my fingers. I just kind of froze. It wasn't the same leg that had been touched by Creepo, but the action of moving up was a reminder. This is why I'm afraid of moving forward in the relationship because I don't know how I'm going to react.

I thought I was over it. I even told my boyfriend that I was, and yet I froze.

God dammit.

I'm going to have to tell him I'm having some conflicted feelings here.

More on the harassment issue, my ex is not going to find out about me making out with him. NEVER. NEEEEVER.

I know that what my ex would say would be hurtful. He's said hurtful things in the past.. the type of stuff that made me flinch, and the type of stuff that made me be very angry at him.