WOW.

Man.. last night really... XD Honestly, I don't think I'll forget it because it was a nice turning point for me. But first...

Lately one of my friends (I'll call her Jupiter, cause the Tori song "Hey Jupiter" is.. well, it fits her) was trying to figure out if she should stay at our current school, or transfer to a different school next year (most of her ol' friends are over at the other school) and I didn't want her to transfer, but I told her that she should do what she needs to do. Well, the other day, we were out and about in Walk Fit class and talking about the proposal I'm going to give to the principal on doing an awareness thing for sexual harassment/assault (because it really isn't talked about at my school too much, and resources on it isn't really openly THERE for students except for the handbook, but that is rather vague) and talking about plans for next year (cause that is when I'm going to do it) and all of a sudden she goes "AUUUGH! Okay, I'm staying!" and gets out her cellphone to tell her mom. I was in shock and was asking what caused her to make up her mind, and she said "Well, we were talking about next year and I want to be there for that." and I asked her about her other friends, and apparently she has changed a lot to more than they have changed, and how things wouldn't be the same.
I was happy that she had made a decision, and even more so that she'll be at this school next year, but I would feel really bad if she ended up regretting staying here. ._. It wasn't my intention to all of a sudden help her indirectly with her decision.

In other news, last night. Ah... this was an interesting night... I got into a frame of mind where it felt like I was just going apathetic and my passions were shutting down, and I brought this up with a close friend of mine (who happens to be my ex, we dated for about the last three months of 2005) by saying "Have you ever been in a mood where you can just say whatever, and you don't care what others would think, although there *are* some subjects that you would actually care about?" and he replied with "like sex?"
I typed to him "Heh, sex is actually one of the subjects I don't care talking about." Through the apathy, I was starting to feel nervous. What the fuck was I doing? He goes on, asking me what I was thinking about sex, and I said "Well... masturbation, but that's close enough. I just don't like it how some people think it's horrible or whatever." and his reply was "my school paper had an article on masturbation that kind of has the same opinion you have. they say it relieves stress and hormones, and is a safe alternative to actual sex."
This is where i just jumped in, not caring what he would say. "Well... it DOES relieve stress." He joking replies "Personal experience?"
"Actually..."

I don't get why I was so freaked out at the thoughts of my friends finding out that I masturbate. And telling him about it kind of relieved those fears cause he didn't care.. XD he suggested baking a cake (it's based off of this bash.org quote: http://bash.org/?244545 ) and he was all "Ah, you're growing up!" but I told him I've been doing that for a while now, so the whole "growing up" bit was a bit late... nonetheless, he was still gonna buy cake mix. Silly Jesus. (Old nickname spawning from 9th grade, caused he used to look kind of like Jesus... still does, but with a different hair color)

Later on I told him "I was kinda in shock I told you that, yet happy you didn't care" and he said "Oh yeah Bekka, I'm really gonna be a hypocrite and say "EWW! I can't be you're friend anymore because you touch yourself!"... I didn't catch onto the "hypocrite" part until after I finished the sentence and thought to myself "wait, what?", then suggested that we bake the cake together. XD

Okay, so why is all this important? Well, masturbating has been one of my biggest secrets (I was originally going to send it to postsecret.com, but never got around to doing so) and really being assured that it isn't a big deal (I told Jupiter about this and she didn't hardly bat an eye.. I think.. I told her over MSN thus I didn't see her eyes, but her reaction wasn't "OMGWTF" or anything.)just... wow. I didn't shut down sexually or artisitcally, and I climbed out of being apathetic after last night, and it is just a relief.