Oh.

I think I just realized why masturbation is a rather uncomfortable subject to talk about with me.

I don't know if this is the EXACT reason, but it makes sense. There was a guy that was asking me these stupid questions (stupid quesitons that got him reported for sexual harassment) and one of them was "Do you masturbate?" and I didn't answer with yes or no. I called him a fucking perv. And I realized while I was making toast that if someone avoids answering a question, that could mean a yes, and I wonder if he thought that.

It's almost like I'm ashamed of my sexuality or something. Oh woo hoo, I get urges to fuck someone sometimes. No big deal, right? Every teenager has raging hormornes.

Well, I'd be freaked out if one of my friends found out more about these feelings and such. It's like... god, it would add fuel to the fire with this one guy (a friend.) who keeps joking around, saying I do sexual stuff, and I get pissed off. He's supposed to be my friend and I have told him several times to shut up, but he just tells me to get a sense of humor.

I gave him a little taste of that medicine though. He said something and I told him sharply to shut the hell up, and he was like "Jeez, you're rather tense. You okay?" and I smiled this thin, cruel smile and looked at him, then said "I was joking around." He just rolled his eyes.

Okay, and here is something to think about. SO WHAT IF I MASTURBATE OR NOT? I think this quesiton a lot, and yet I still get kinda freaked out, like my friends would stop talking to me or something, or they would ridicule me.

I hope the roots for this kind of fear isn't in the harassment, because that would piss me off.