A test of honesty.

Hello. I am Bekka, but for the sake of old times, call me Mac. It's a name I've had on the internet for a while.

I was gonna suggest that you can call me Mel, but that is a fictional character of mine, and I would rather not be as fucked up as she is (PTSD, sexual aversion, bad anxiety, oh wait... I have that sometimes. Nevermind). -cough- Yeah, a friend started calling me Mel when I roleplayed that particular character with her *once*, and it just stuck, and I answer to it now like it's my real name.

Among names, I've been called many different things referring to my height (people notice when you're 17 and a couple inches under 5 feet), Skruffie (I was a ragamuffin as a child, always playing in the sand box or mud and collecting rocks. My pants would have dirt and grass stains all the damn time, and got holes quickly), Widget (eh, this can go with "height nicknames", I think it is a combo of "wee" and "midget"), Clyde (Referring to Tori Amos's American Doll Posse... I'm rather drawn to Clyde), and probably a menagerie of other names I can't begin to remember right now.

As far as interests go, art has always been and always will be my passion. I guess I was an angry toddler so my mom made me sit down one day and told me to draw what I was feeling. It stuck, and never came unstuck. I evolved from scribbles to people to Neopets to angels to angels+demons back to people, and now it is just an assortment of most of those things, minus the Neopets. The people and such that I draw are mainly fictional characters (Like Mel... fuck, I draw her a lot. She's my most developed character, and her arc is rather parallel to mine, just on a different level. More on this later), although before her was Mac (She originated in my Neopets days when I browsed under the username mac_n_cheese45, and people called me Mac in the forums. I've quit Neopets since then, but not the name and/or the username.)
With drawing, I also enjoy painting after that, and I like to try my hand at abstract. I use mainly acrylic paint, but I had an instant flirtation with watercolor when I first started it... never tried painting in oils.
Writing is rather fun to do as well, but more like a hobby than a passion.
Lastly, playing the keyboard gives me a very powerful, almost spiritual experience. I put my fears and desires into playing when I can't show them in other artistic means... normally it is abstract painting that houses the fears and the passions, but playing the keyboard really opened a new door to me... I think I know what Tori is talking about when she says that playing her piano live is like an orgasm in an artistic sense.

Music wise, I don't have a broad range of interests, but it is slowly expanding. I grew up listening to Tori (she has become one of my biggest influences) as well as Queensryche and Marylin Manson, and through my dad I listened to a bit more classic stuff (The Beatles). Both my parents introduced me to the energy of metal. My dad played bass for years, and I think he is going to start playing again seeing how he bought a bass earlier this month.
I used to hate country music, but it is growing on me slightly thanks to The Wreckers... Michelle Branch pulled me through my middle school years, so I already knew her and her music before she joined up with Jessica.
In my sillier moods (I call 'em my "Abbie" moods, referring to the sides of my personality people don't see, which include brutal honesty. This blog is helping me express that side more though) I love electronica and techno, and I feed off of the fast paced songs to just get my energy going.
Rap... eh. I don't like it too much, but yet I still listen and dance along with it at school dances if they play such stuff.
I love more celtic sounding stuff... it connects to my spiritual side and puts me in a very contemplative and clairvoiant kind of place.

Anyway, I would love to explain that whole paralell thing with Mel and the whole me, but it is a long story and I need to go to bed, so that will be saved for a different blog post.