Hmmm.

IS IT CAN BE LONG STORY TIEM?

A long time ago, I was in a relationship with someone. We were together for just a few months, and we broke up. I thought "I should be over this soon" even though I got a little miffed that he was with someone else within days of us breaking up. And I moved on... apparently. I went into a new relationship a couple months after the other one ended, and that was going swimmingly until my feelings changed, and I found myself wishing that I was with my ex (who was still with the girl who we got together with after we broke up). Eventually, my boyfriend at the time and I broke up and well... I thought the feelings I had for my first ex would just go away. BUT OH NOOOO. They didn't.

They got to the point where I felt like I was in love with him, and it huuuuurt so badly. This carried on for months, and then I realized a good friend of mine had a crush on him. Erm, well... him and his girlfriend broke up when they were together for almost a year, and this guy... confuses me because he had asked out my friend. And at the same time, he had moved to a different town so it was really sucky. =_= Although it felt like that sometime in that period, I finally got over him.

And I'm in my own relationship, whereas he's been with my friend for over 7 months. :3 And truely, I am happy for them. They make such a cute couple, and yet my own relationship is getting weird.

I think we rushed into a relationship too soon, and I want to break up with him. ~_~ And lately, the feelings for my ex have been flaring again. WHAT THE FUCK. Seriously, what is wrong with me? DX We aren't getting back together, and we have such a great friendship, and I don't understand why I keep getting feelings for him!

I suspect it's because I want that emotional closeness that we have, but in a relationship. I don't have that with my current boyfriend, and yet I have gone farther with him physically than I have with my past two boyfriends. I don't want to go farther with him. >_< I would be willing to if we were together for longer than two months, or if I felt that close with him on an emotional level, but we didn't establish a solid foundation by being friends for a while beforehand. We were friends for weeks prior to getting into a relationship.

Grasfhskfhsdkfdslf.

I think the ex feelings that have RESPAWNED definately came mostly from this dream that just came out of nowhere. It took place at my grandparent's old house, weirdly enough, and we were sitting on this couch when out of nowhere he kissed me, which proceeded into more kissing and me stopping for a moment saying "We're cheating on our partners" (or something to that extent), but we didn't stop. Nothing weird happened (well, that in itself is weird enough for me), but GOD. WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

-hits head against wall-

What?

So, my boyfriend and I.

Before we were even together, we were talking about how we wouldn't have sex with a significant other unless we were in love with them. It's cool how we have that same point of view.

Well, last time I was over at his house, things were getting a little heavy. We didn't do anything sexual, but it did make me realize I need to prepare in case something like that did happen. So, I sent a message to one of my friends on Myspace that next time we saw each other if he can bring me a condom. Our conversation on MSN not too long after I sent that message went something like this (I'm Clyde)


What do you know that i dont already know says:
WHAT THE HELL BECKA

Clyde [This is Jezebel in Hell] says:
Um

Clyde [This is Jezebel in Hell] says:
You got my message on Myspace?

What do you know that i dont already know says:
NO shit

Clyde [This is Jezebel in Hell] says:
I SWEAR TO GOD NATE
I wouldn't lie
We DID NOT do anything sexual, but things were getting intense

What do you know that i dont already know says:
OKill give you one

Clyde [This is Jezebel in Hell] says:
Alright. x__X
I figured you would have an interesting reaction. XDD;;

What do you know that i dont already know says:
...<.o

Clyde [This is Jezebel in Hell] says:
XD Yeeeeah
I was really nervous when I typed that message, but yeah >> I wouldn't do anything sexual unless I was really prepared

What do you know that i dont already know says:
ok... im not happy with you

Clyde [This is Jezebel in Hell] says:
Why? D:

What do you know that i dont already know says:
I wonder

Clyde [This is Jezebel in Hell] says:
Hey, at least I am being honest with you. ~_~
And I'm not doing anything like that yet
And if I was, at least I would want to use protection
I'M BEING RESPONSIBLE! D:

What do you know that i dont already know says:
ANd stupid

Clyde [This is Jezebel in Hell] says:
How am I being stupid?

What do you know that i dont already know says:
I woonder

Clyde [This is Jezebel in Hell] says:
I know that I'm wondering. DX
Would you rather I DIDN'T use any form of protection?

What do you know that i dont already know says:
I would rather you dident have SEX

Clyde [This is Jezebel in Hell] says:
Okay, just because I would have a condom doesn't mean I would go and use it right away.
We probably aren't going to have sex for a loooong while. It's just IN CASE if something like that were to happen.

What do you know that i dont already know says:
ok

Clyde [This is Jezebel in Hell] says:
I can promise you that

At first I was getting pissed off, like.. "Why is he being so weird about this?" but then I guess... he's protective? Maybe he doesn't want my heart to get all smashed up. ~.~ But I can't be too upset that he wasn't happy. I was being honest and trying to be responsible. I can't be upset about THAT.